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Sundays are a Day of Rest – by which I mean a Day of talking about the Rest of my life; that is, outside linguistics.

This post is, in fact, an apology.

Readers, if you were one of the poor souls who searched for “homosexual catholic linguistics” and found my blog, I am truly sorry. If there is such a thing as the linguistics of homosexual Catholics, I’m unaware of it, and certainly not qualified to write a blog post about it. Also, the fact that when I searched for it and my blog wasn’t on the first few pages suggests you were rather desperate to learn about this obscure area of religion/sexuality/language (delete as appropriate), so apologies for not providing the information you were searching for.

I decided to go through my search terms, and found several terms which I haven’t written about, but which I would find interesting and shall write about this year. On this list are:

  • “mercia dialets nowadays”: I have never actually considered the impact of Old Mercian on the current accent in the area, so this may make for an interesting post. I will include other dialects of Old English in the post.
  • “haptics in sociolinguistics”: Actually, haptics isn’t considered a branch of sociolinguistics, more pragmatics; and even that’s controversial. Being the study of touch, it is often studied in pragmatics and a means of communication. Some people say, however, that it shouldn’t be studied in linguistics at all because it’s nothing to do with speech… Anyway, I’ll write a post on haptics this year too.
  • “meaning of urinal to samuel johnson”: I hope Johnson’s definition of urinal was exciting. I wrote about his dictionary and included some funny entries a while ago, but hopefully this one will prove itself to be a worthy entry.
  • “sociolinguistics shortening pronunciation of words”: There are a number of ways you can shorten words, and a number of reasons you would want to do so. I sense an interesting post on the horizon.
  • “why can glaswegians understand the tennesse accent”: I wasn’t aware that the Tennessee accent was difficult to understand, or that there were any similarities between the two accents. I’m very interested in the ways different British accents could have influenced North American ones, so this will be a future post.
  • “how do they come up with grammar names”: You can now look forward to a post on the etymology of grammatical terms. Yay!

Some of the search terms, however, will not make an interesting read. Some of them are simply strange. I will attempt to write something about some of these here, to benefit anyone who searches for these things in the future.

  • perfect smile
A Perfect Smile

A Perfect Smile

  • “ronyó”: This apparently means kidney. Who knew?
  • “my dog essay”: I don’t have a dog, nor have I written an essay about one. It might interest this searcher, however, that Virginia Woolf wrote a story from the point of view of Elizabeth Barrett’s dog, which is called Flush, and is well worth a read.
  • “sometimes normal is not an option”: This one is rather depressing… Perhaps they were referring to Jeanette Winterson’s Why be Happy When You can be Normal? I do hope so. Otherwise, dear searcher; normal is boring. If normal is not an option, be exciting; it’s much more fun.
  • “blacklisted linguists”: I love the idea of a linguist being blacklisted! Depended on whether it actually happened or not, this could well be a topic of a future post.
  • “would like a speaking pal in scotland uk, where do i go?”: One would guess that Scotland, UK, is a good place for this.
  • “does teddy bears picnic have an apostophy”: Okay, I’m aware that I have written about this, but as there were several search terms along these lines, I feel the need to address this once more. Apostrophes denote possession. The picnic belongs to the teddy bears, therefore the answer is yes. As there is more than one bear (“Every bear that ever there was”), the apostrophe comes after the s, not in front as it would if it were only one bear. Therefore, it is a Teddy Bears’ Picnic.
  • “husband criticizes me for my accent”: I think it is permitted to use rude words towards anyone who criticizes your accent so much you feel the need to do an internet search on this.
  • “what happened to the english people when the vikings invade them”: The usual combination of being killed, having their houses torched, and being plundered. I do, however, speak about the effects on the English language in a post.
  • “forward as a meaningless word in speech”: Sorry, what? How do you intend to tell someone that you’re moving forward without using the word forward? I can’t even comprehend…

There are some search terms, however, which I don’t feel I can address comprehensively, if at all. Here they are:

  • “12 year old talks incessantly”
  • “a paragraph of what you feel for guy friend”
  • “catholic homosexual linguistics”
  • “black people speaking with scottish accent video”
  • “sex hadn”